Coming Clean (literally)

Okay, not one of my finer moments but here goes....

Recently I was at the gym working up a good sweat. As I was about to leave I cringed. Oh no! I didn't bring a change of clothes to shower and I didn't have any clean towels at home. (Yes, I missed a couple days of laundry). Crud. Hmmm....I know! I'll just borrow one from the locker room - brilliant idea! I'll sneak it out, wash it at home, and bring it back. No one will ever know it's gone. Certainly my reasoning was good enough to convince myself. "C'mon, it's just a towel," I kept saying. But why did I feel so dog-gone guilty??

Now this would've been a whole lot easier if I had my gym bag...but I didn't. It decided to approach it like I was doing a covert operation for the Secret Service. I eyed my towel from across the locker room, made sure no one was looking, and put it under my arm. No, too conspicuous. I'll carry it. I slid it into my opposite hand as I proceeded to the check-out counter. I distracted the gentleman with my other hand and grabbed my ID. Home free! (Or so I thought).

As I headed for the door my stomach felt a bit queasy. "Did I just steal a gym towel?" my conscience asked. No, I reasoned. I'm borrowing it. I'll bring it back tomorrow - clean! Still, I felt guilty. I had almost made it to the door when - BUSTED! The patron behind me called me out! We'll call him Mr Tattle. "Hey, did you mean to take that towel?" he said. I froze. I was caught red-handed. I played dumb. "Oh, this towel? Oops. Thanks." Deflated, embarrassed, and relieved (interesting combo, I know) I took it back to the locker room and my covert operation was over.

It never ceases to amaze me how I tend to rationalize my sin. Maybe "borrowing" a gym towel isn't really a sin (there I go rationalizing) but the fact remains that my conscience (Holy Spirit) was telling me the whole time not to do it. THAT's the sin. When the Spirit convicts me about something and I deliberately disobey, that's sin. I'm also intrigued at my reaction to Mr Tattle. On the outside I was quite gracious, like he saved me from going to jail or something. On the inside I'm more like, "Who are you to tell me I can't take this towel?" (You can probably tell by me calling him Mr Tattle that I'm still perturbed :-0). Where does that aggravation come from?! Furthermore, I told the attendant at the counter that I forgot to turn in the towel when I took it back. I flat out lied! Ouch. Again I ask, where does this come from?! It's disgusting. It's totally out of character. -Or is it?

Actually it's not out of character at all. That's my good ole sin-nature. (I got news for you...yours is alive and well too). Something like that is certainly out of character for someone who's been bought by the blood of Christ. But Paul teaches us in Romans 6 and 7 that even after we become Christians we will continue to wrestle with our sin-nature here on earth. That's the problem.

Our sin-nature rationalizes sin and blames others. Sin only leads to more sin. Fortunately God has sent us a Helper (the Holy Spirit) in times like these. (Too bad we don't always listen to Him!) If I had only listened to Him when He was telling me not to take that stupid towel. Furthermore, I think I ignored His voice a few times earlier in the week when He was telling me to do laundry :)

Ahh...it's always a great feeling to come clean. Now off to do some laundry so I'm not tempted to take more gym towels!

Comin' clean,
GrantJ

You're gonna wash my feet??

I can't believe it. My first year of seminary has come to an end! This year has been quite challenging and rewarding. I have a long road ahead, but for now I am celebrating a mini-victory in completion of year one...and a nice break for the summer :)

In all honesty there have been numerous times that I questioned my decision to come to seminary. Although confident overall that I made the right choice, there are those occasional moments of doubt. When I'm overcome by a moment of weakness, a nighttime stroll around campus does me good.

Inevitably I end up in the courtyard walking by a statue of Jesus washing Simon Peter's feet. I am compelled, drawn in, and broken as I recall the story. First of all, it’s plain to see the uneasiness on Peter's face. He's frozen (nevermind it's a statue :) -almost grimacing. His body language is one of timidity. It's plain to see that he's uncomfortable with the whole thing! After all, why should His Lord and King be washing his feet?? It should be the other way around and Peter knows this (John 13:6-8). What Jesus is doing by example is way more powerful than any story. He knows this is one of those things He will have to demonstrate for His disciples to grasp. Servant leadership at its finest.

What makes Peter cringe is the lesson he is learning. See, as the King of Kings lowers himself to the task of foot washing, Peter instantly realizes he has no excuse for not doing the same. Even Jesus says afterwards, "Do as I did to you" (John 13:15). As Jesus is clothed in humility Peter is draped in pride.

I don't know about you but I share more in Peter's pride than Jesus' humility. I recall the countless opportunities I've missed out on serving others because I was unwilling to “stoop down" out of embarrassment or pride. So many missed opportunities that are gone forever. By God's grace I resist the temptation to ask for more opportunities. For I know I will only come up woefully short again. All I can offer is a broken and contrite heart (Psalm 51:17).

Each time I walk away from that statue I am reassured of my decision to be here. The reassurance comes from the fact that this life is not about me. It's about Him. Why? Because He lived a life of service and sacrifice for you and me. "Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve and to give His life a ransom for many" (Matthew 20:28). I am in awe at our Lord. To think that He would stoop so low for me blows me away. In reality, he has stooped much lower than foot washing to save a sinner like me.

Onward,
GrantJ