I'm a recovering people-pleaser. I thought I'd share some insight God has given me along my journey in hopes that it helps others who struggle with this unhealthy addiction.
It's natural to want everyone to like us, but it's not good for us. It's exhausting, both physically and emotionally. What's even more detrimental though, is the spiritual danger that it cultivates: pride. Surprise! I bet you didn't expect pride to be at the root of people-pleasing, but it is. People-pleasing is a way of saying, "I'm worthy of your approval. Let me show you." Or, "I won't let you down. Let me show you." We've got to learn to let it go. Yes, some people will have a negative reaction to our abrupt end of people-pleasing. (That's what we fear most, the rejection). Our real friends, however, will accept our end to people-pleasing. After all, real friends embrace who we are without a burdensome requirement for more. They desire authenticity and accept us even when we inevitably fall short and let them down.
It's natural to want everyone to like us, but it's not good for us. It's exhausting, both physically and emotionally. What's even more detrimental though, is the spiritual danger that it cultivates: pride. Surprise! I bet you didn't expect pride to be at the root of people-pleasing, but it is. People-pleasing is a way of saying, "I'm worthy of your approval. Let me show you." Or, "I won't let you down. Let me show you." We've got to learn to let it go. Yes, some people will have a negative reaction to our abrupt end of people-pleasing. (That's what we fear most, the rejection). Our real friends, however, will accept our end to people-pleasing. After all, real friends embrace who we are without a burdensome requirement for more. They desire authenticity and accept us even when we inevitably fall short and let them down.
Maybe you're thinking, "But I just can't stand it for someone not to like me!" Once again, we have to learn to let it go. This is pride welling up inside. Don't forget that God hates pride (Prov 6:16-19). Only the wisdom of humility recognizes that not everyone will like us. Look at Jesus. The vast majority did not like Him. Far from it. They hated Him. They crucified him. Jesus was hardly a people-pleaser. He came to please the Father, not people.
I put together a little check-list to help me resist the unhealthy tendency to people-please. I hope it helps you too.
1. Read the Bible. Reading the Bible brings confidence, discovering what God says about me. Scripture says that God loves me. Nothing compares. Scripture says that I should be most interested in pleasing God, not man (Gal 1:10).
2. Treat everyone equal and with respect. Resist the urge to treat certain people better based on status or position.
3. Resist pride. Stay low. Humility accepts the fact that others won't always like me.
GrantJ
God has definitely gifted you with the power of the pen and an amazing ability to share Him with the world. Thank you for this blog entry, I really appreciate what you wrote. I really needed to read it and it could not have come at a better time! I look forward to reading future entries! In Christ, BJ
ReplyDeleteThis is something I have definitely been struggling with and your post really helped. Thank you very much. I wish you would write more often on your blog.
ReplyDeleteIn Christ,
Tina