Performance

Just got home from work and I am zapped.  Actually, more like depleted and tired.  I'm not like this every night.  But tonight I'm just tired of performing.  My job (like yours probably) is performance based.  Normally, I eat it up because I am a performance driven person.  But tonight, I'm finding myself tired.  Tired of the performance based hamster-wheel that goes round and round.  I wanna get off!

Fortunately, God is reminding me that I can.  He is reminding me that nothing is based on performance with Him.  The performance pressure we put on ourselves and each other is worldly.  It's not of God.  He loves us just the way we are.  I have to continually remind myself of that.  Sometimes I think that God loves me less when I mess up or don't perform.  It's just not true.  What a relief!

Somewhat on that note.  I have decided to drop my class this semester.  Spring is a hectic time of year at work and I just didn't have peace about taking the class.  I know the Lord is pleased with me and loves me just the same if I take the class or not.  I didn't exactly arrive at that conclusion immediately though.  So, in the meantime I am enjoying a bit of down-time and taking a sigh of relief knowing that God is not disappointed in me.

I must continue to remind myself that God is not impressed by my performance.  -That's my ego thinking I can impress God.  -Not gonna work.  I gotta surrender.

GrantJ